It seems like it’s finally becoming acceptable to speak up and call it out. Not that it’s easy yet, but the mood is shifting…

Which is great, because none of us are safe from discrimination until EVERYone is respected as an equal—no matter your race, gender, sexual preference/orientation, religion, size, ability, age etc.

Consider that as long as discrimination is acceptable towards one type of human—then it can easily shift onto another.

And this means that it’s important to speak up (when safe to do so) when someone makes an inappropriate comment or joke. So in this article we’re going to take a look at specifically how to do that and some of the things to watch out for.

Jokes are more damaging than they seem…
Have you noticed how the worst sexists and racists get away with it—over and over again—because it’s said with a laugh, a nod and a wink?

Growing up, I remember bristling at sexist jokes which were common in England at that time. I would get defensive and angrily say something, and mostly just got laughed at—or told I was too sensitive: “It’s just a joke!”.

But it isn’t, is it?

Conveniently for the speaker, when something is said as a joke, it makes it much harder to speak up without being seen as over-reacting.

Jokes which target a particular type of human are a crafty and subtle way to put people down in a “socially acceptable” manner. Humour literally “softens” the blow, and this reduces the perception that the speaker is being discriminatory.

And this makes jokes and offhand remarks a great way to make others feel smaller. They can embarrass, shame and humiliate. And they leave the joke teller (and those who share in the joke) ‘one-up’ on whoever is being made fun of.

When the world around us is not as we would wish it, and with so much outside of our control, it helps us feel better when we focus on the positive things we can do. And then plan to do them!

Because whatever time of year, we all need things to look forward to—however small. And there’s power in knowing what you want, and even more power in writing those things down.

Writing out your 25 Things to Do This Year is like setting a series of mini-goals—commitments to yourself—that will help you look ahead with a smile.

And ever since COVID, our world has become a more challenging place: more Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA). It’s a thing.

There was a brief stretch of ease and relief once COVID restrictions were lifted and we began to get back to ‘normal’ life. But let’s be honest, life has never been less normal!

And it’s really important to acknowledge these changes and challenges—because they’re impacting us whether we like it or not.

You may wonder why I’m ‘focusing’ on all these ‘negatives’?
Well, I want to draw them out into the open. To acknowledge that while COVID is over, life and our world is more challenging than ever.

Plus, what makes this extra-challenging is that we have very little control (if any) over these wider societal changes. And that—in itself—is stressful.

And the impact of all this change adds up. On us, and the people around us.

Knowledge is power
In this awareness of difficulty, there is power.

Because when we deny how we feel, or pretend everything is OK, our feelings can drag us down making us feel literally ‘depressed’. Over time those feelings build up, and then they erupt—usually at a time when we least want to feel vulnerable.

So we can pretend it’s not happening. Or we can be courageous and say, yes, there are a lot of things going on in the world that are worrying and upsetting.

Then, once we’ve acknowledged that truth (and how it makes us feel), NOW we can take action. We can work to take action, take care of ourselves and build our resilience.

And a side benefit of acknowledging difficult truths is that we also connect with (instead of abandoning) our authentic self. So even though it’s hard, it feels good—and real. Because:

There is power in realising: Oh that’s why I’m feeling mad/bad/sad.
When we share with others there is comfort in recognising: It’s not just me! Other people are feeling this too.
And this gives us the energy and motivation to ask: What can/should/will I do?

In the first article we explored how labelling starts young, shared some examples of labels and looked at how damaging labels can be—whether ‘positive’ or ‘negative’. And your homework was to identify up to 10 of your own labels (ideally at least 3-5 labels to work with).

So if you haven’t read the first article yet, I recommend reading it now Names Do Hurt: How Your “Labels” Might Be Limiting You! and identifying those 3-5 labels to use with the journaling prompts below.

A quick look at a less well-known issue with labels
In these busy times, it’s worth noting that our labels can also make more work for us.

How? Well, labels can mean that other people can avoid work or self-growth—at your expense. For example:

As “The Office Mom” you may get trapped into organizing every leaving/birthday/retirement card, whip-round and gift, team celebrations, even cleaning the office break room. No-one else needs to step up, because they know the “Office Mom” will do it. Called emotional labour—it’s unpaid and usually under-appreciated too.
As “The Disciplinarian” with your kids, you may get trapped in the role of ‘laying down the law’. This means you have extra tasks to do, and your partner doesn’t need to learn these skills for themselves. And it could also impact your relationship with your children as you take on a disproportionate amount of the difficult conversations.